Almost There…(Where?)November 21, 2022
What Makes a Good Song “Good”?December 6, 2022
Let’s skip the pleasantries and get right to it shall we? The answer to the title question is a resounding yes. Yes a million times over. It’s…
One second, there’s a knock at the door. Sorry. Let me see who it is.
Terrence Stamp? You have an answer to the question of if Thanksgiving dinner is overrated? Well, don’t keep us in suspense. What have you got to say? Is it overrated?
Well, I’m glad you agree. Thanks for stopping by. So, as I was….
Come on. What’s this now? Someone else is here who wants to add their 2 cents? Ugh, fine. I’ll indulge you too. Does Thanksgiving dinner suck beyond any shadow of a doubt?
Wow, Mr. White, I’m honored. As always, your logic and reasoning is without fault. Thanksgiving dinner is indeed absolutely overrated. I appreciate the support sir. I wasn’t expecting such a sudden groundswell of support from such notable people so quickly. As much as I am flattered by the support, if I could just get back…
Wait a minute. As I sit here and write this blog post, I’m being told that there is a line forming of those who wish to show support to my cause. A mob of people who believe, like I do, that Thanksgiving dinner is vastly overblown and overrated.
But how? How did they get here?
Fascinating. Look at them all. An army of zealots is growing before my eyes. I’m not quite sure what to make of this. I can feel my ego swelling. Images enter my psyche. Visions of supreme authority fill my mind as thoughts of democratic processes and the free-will of individuals falls waningly to the wayside…
…I sit upon my throne fixed atop the ruins of a decaying cornucopia, filled with the remnants of the last repugnant and disgusting Thanksgiving feast. Strewn cans of cranberry sauce litter the fields below. Dried out and fractured husks of already inedible and completely dry turkeys turn to dust as the wind sweeps across the plains.
A wry smile breaks across my face. A satisfied sense of victory fills the air. A much welcomed change to the rancid odor of a Thanksgiving feast. The eradication of all those foul side dishes; too many ingredients slammed together in an overly-saturated mess of a presentation. The fact those tastes will never be spoken of or experienced again pleases me to no end. My lieutenants join me in a contented chorus of maniacal laughter. Desmond mentions to me the absolute ecstasy he feels knowing that he never again has to hear from someone about how many portions of sweet potatoes they ate, or how they went back for more after taking a short nap. Reginald gleefully exclaims his overabundance of joy at the fact that he need never suffer again the explanation of why people go into food comas; the dreaded Tryptophan! Ozymandias recoils when he hears Reginald utter the phrase ‘food coma’, and expresses his exuberance at the extinction of that phrase from the common lexicon of the world.
This idyllic utopia is a monument to common sense, decency and impeccable taste. Legions of the devout live below in the valley; a civilization that is ever-prosperous and never left wanting. Children frolic freely in the meadow at the riverside as the adults make their way merrily into the main square to socialize with their friends and neighbors. Nothing to quarrel about. No designated meal to air religious or political grievances and beliefs. Just a serene paradise.
Easy. Breezy. Beautiful.
What? No…wait, come back sweet sanctuary, come back! Dammit to hell! God damn commercial slogans interrupting the lucid dream of perfection…
Shame. It hurts to know that’s what we could achieve as a society if not for Thanksgiving dinner. It makes me think of John Lennon’s song, ‘Imagine’. Its meaning is so clear to me now after having what can only be described as a prophetical divine fever dream. He must have been referring to a world without Thanksgiving dinner. “Livin’ life in peace” indeed Mr. Lennon. Indeed.
I’m not sure I need to add much more. The irrefutable evidence you just witnessed is proof enough that Thanksgiving dinner is not just overrated and overblown, but it’s a blight on our planet and a threat to our very existence. To allow it to linger and remain is an irresponsible and unparalleled injustice of epic proportions. Think about that the next time you want to chow down on some stuffing or ingest an entire carafe of gravy. Ponder what could be, if you just had the will to thrust the human race forward into an enduring and communal future civilization.
Oh.. before I go. Ronin had an excellent week as we wrapped up the recording phase on our sophomore album with some final vocal stylings and overdubs on Saturday.
Phase 2 commences shortly. Now begins the mixing!
I bid you all adieu.
— Your ever humble and heroic frontman,
Chris Feldmann (AKA Supreme Authority of the Thanksgiving dinner-less Utopia)